No Prince Hamlet
by SilentG
Summary: [COMPLETE] Response to Boggart Challenge on WIKTT. Snape encounters a Boggart. Or does he? SS/HG.


**No Prince Hamlet  
by SilentG**

"So, Hermione, do you have any plans for the holidays?" Professor McGonagall leaned over Severus's breakfast plate to address her colleague. The Potions master was too busy scowling at his kippers to notice the wink that accompanied the question, or the apprehensive smile that answered. 

"No, Minerva, I don't," Hermione Granger replied with an exaggerated sigh. "My parents are going on a cruise over Christmas, so the house will be empty..." She trailed off with a rueful air and the Transfiguration Professor 'tut-tut'ted in sympathy. 

"Oh, poor child! No-one should have to sit alone in a big old house over Christmas," she said, "Especially at your age!" 

Hermione shrugged with a martyred air and nibbled a piece of fruit. "Yes, well... what else can I do? Since we can't stay here, and I have no other family..." Hermione spoke with such a piteous whisper that her words seemed to hang in the air like a cloud of lonely fog. 

Professor Snape grunted and waved his hand in front of him as if trying to clear the air. "Why don't you simply join your parents on their – cruise?" He asked dryly. This year no-one was staying at Hogwarts over Christmas as Hagrid and Professor Sprout were having to fumigate the upper floors against a persistent infestation of Attic Gnomes. The fumigation itself was perfectly safe, but the gnomes released a kind of nerve agent as a defence mechanism, and it was that danger which would keep Hogwarts unoccupied during the break. 

"Oh, er..." Hermione replied awkwardly, "It's a kind of - couples' thing. Organised by a -" She blanched before continuing, "Sex therapist. They're Muggles," she concluded by way of explanation. 

"Obviously," Snape said. "And what of your erstwhile schoolmates? I was under the impression that the Weasley family cast a wide net at holidays, gathering up stray Gryffindors to serve for ... I mean, to have for Christmas dinner," he asked as he carefully cut his strip of bacon into eleven equal pieces. 

"Oh," she said with another sigh, "Mr and Mrs Weasley, Fred, George, Ron and Harry are all visiting Charlie at his new job outside St Petersburg. Ginny's visiting Bill - wherever he is this week - and I don't know about Percy. Call me an old-fashioned English tart, but I just don't fancy Christmas in Russia surrounded by dragons, or in an airtight lockup twenty stories underground in some undisclosed location on the Sinai Peninsula." 

"But Sirius Black is coming here to deliver gifts and greetings, isn't he," Minerva prompted helpfully, sneaking a side-glance at the sour-faced colleague between her and Hermione. "Why don't you spend Christmas with him?" 

Both women noted with interest the signs of tension and displeasure in the Potions professor's demeanour at Minerva's last words; his shoulders hunched, his scowl deepened, and bits of kipper flew off his plate as he attacked the unfortunate fillet savagely with his fork. 

"Well, he did invite me, a few weeks ago. I turned him down though, I hoped…" Hermione hesitated a moment before continuing. "I suppose I will though, now – since I haven't had any other offers. It's better than spending Christmas alone," she said. "Although it really wasn't the way I imagined spending Christmas – and he wasn't the person I imagined spending Christmas with." Hermione snuck a peek at Professor Snape under her eyelashes, but he seemed lost in thought, staring stoically into his cup of coffee, which he was holding immobile a few inches from his lips. 

"But I seem to remember you once having quite a crush on our puppy-eyed Gryffindor Golden Boy," Minerva persisted, speaking in a stage whisper to make herself heard over the sound of Severus Snape grinding his teeth. "I always imagined you with an older man, Hermione. And he certainly seems to think the world of you!" 

The whole High Table looked up at the sound of Snape's chair hitting the floor, thrown back with the force of his abrupt departure. Minerva chuckled as she bent down to right the ill-used object, but Hermione just stared worriedly into her tea. 

-*~~*~~*-

Severus Snape strode through the staff passageway behind the Great Hall, jealous and miserable and furious with himself. Every day since December third, when they found out about the fumigation, he had been wishing to ask Hermione Granger to spend Christmas with him at his family home. 

He knew this was his last chance – all the pupils would be on the train tomorrow morning, and the staff would be out by nightfall. He was _going_ to ask her! He'd only been looking for the perfect opportunity. 

And it had been on the tip of his tongue, when Minerva had asked about Hermione's plans. Right after determining for certain she wouldn't be with the Weasleys (Snape had actually taken the step of finding out where the two eldest boys would be during the holidays – in case he might find a way of dropping in if Hermione was with one of them) he had planned to bring it up, even with Minerva listening in. 

But then the tatty Transfiguration teacher had to bring Black into the conversation… Meddling Minerva! Of course Hermione didn't want to go with him! Why did she have to bring it up??!!! 

Snape's shoulders slumped, weighed down with a profound sense of doom. He knew how Black operated. Once that mangy mutt got his canines into Hermione, she'd be lost to him forever. Fighting the rising tide of panic in his chest, he resolved to talk to Hermione about it at the first opportunity. If he could speak to her before Black arrived… 

-*~~*~~*-

Three hours later, the Potions master strode back down the same passageway, returning to the Dining Hall. At the sight of Remus Lupin, he carefully manufactured a deep scowl and hoped he didn't look too desperate. He had been searching the castle for Hermione since breakfast – he hated to do it, but he stopped the Defence instructor as they passed. 

"Hello, Severus," the Werewolf, lately restored to his former position, said to his colleague. 

Snape grunted and tried to breathe slowly. "Lupin. Have you seen Miss Granger?" Severus was going to add a suitable excuse for looking for her – tales of her incompetence or forgetfulness would have been in character (for him) – but he was afraid Lupin would sympathise with the Gryffindor witch to the point of misdirecting him. 

"I haven't seen her since breakfast, Severus; but I heard she was going to be meeting Sirius in the staffroom," Remus said with a kind smile. "Actually if I remember correctly, Minerva said Hermione was looking for you, also in the staffroom. Are you heading that way?" He asked as Snape turned on his heel and marched down the hall. At Snape's curt nod he continued, "Because I was just on my way there to fetch Albus's cookie jar – he wants to use it for the raffle this evening. D'you mind grabbing it while you're there? I'd really like to get to lunch, I'm starving." Taking the nod and grunt from Snape's fast-retreating figure as a 'yes', Remus walked back down the passage towards the Great Hall. 

_Typical Gryffindor incompetence_, Snape thought as he reflected on the Werewolf's omitting a description of the container. _Typical **male** Gryffindor incompetence_, he corrected himself. Of course he knew what Lupin was referring to – there was only one cookie jar in the staffroom – although Snape privately thought it would be kinder to humanely euthanise the garish relic by giving it to Neville Longbottom to brew a potion in. 

As he mounted the last staircase before reaching the staffroom he thanked Merlin for Remus Lupin – having the jar to hunt for was the perfect excuse to be in the staffroom, in case Black was already there – _Oh please, let him not be there_. 

The door to the staffroom was open just a crack when Severus reached it; a gentle push swung it back open into the room and he paused, frowning, at the scene before him. 

Hermione stood with her arms spread in welcome as a dark figure approached her and enclosed her in a firm embrace. The figure picked her up and swung her around, then pulled her face to his in a deep kiss. Hermione arched her back and buried her fingers in the black hair of the visitor – Snape saw her hips grinding and twisting as the figure's gloved hands clasped her bottom and leaned her back over the staff table. The smiling face and sparkling blue eyes illuminated in the firelight was only confirmation of what Snape knew in his heart – it was Sirius Black. 

With a hissing breath, Snape backed away from the doorway and crept back down the hall. 

-*~~*~~*-

The Potions master never showed up for lunch at the Great Hall that day. The first class of the afternoon found him marking homework with barely-controlled fury – the fourth-year Hufflepuffs were so intimidated by the threat of violence in his eyes that he had to dismiss them early. They were all trembling so much that they couldn't measure out their ingredients; their newts' antennae, Midsummer morning dew and Tiger Moth pupae ended up mostly on the floor. The next class, second-year Ravenclaws, spent the lesson cleaning up the mess. 

When the last students had departed and he had no-one left to pour his wrath upon, his anger just disappeared. In its place was a dull pain – disappointment? loss? longing? – that had been a stranger to him for over twenty years. 

Though there was a part of him that just couldn't reconcile the woman he had known for two years, the woman he'd had breakfast with that morning, with what he had seen in the staffroom – there was no way around it – nothing could explain _that_ away. Black had snuck in, and because Severus had been so damn' slow, cautious, _afraid_… Hermione had slipped through his fingers and now Sirius Black was going to take her back to his apartment in SoHo and… and… for eight long days and nights. And she would return to Hogwarts in the New Year blushing and smiling and sore – and she'd start staying in her rooms of an evening and Apparating to London at week-ends, and she'd come back next September with a ring on her finger. If she came back at all. 

Almost suffocating under the blanket of morose self-pity, Snape didn't hear the first knock at the classroom door. Sighing, he looked up as the door opened and the tediously and relentlessly cheerful face of Remus Lupin showed through the crack in the door. 

"Severus! We missed you at lunch. I just popped by to let you know that you needn't worry about Albus's jar – I need to go back to the staffroom to deal with the Boggart anyway, so I'll get it then. I hope we'll see you at dinner – I hear that Santa has some gifts for you!" Knowing better than to wait for a reply, or perhaps knowing better than to think he would appreciate the reply, Remus hurriedly closed the door, and Snape heard his footfalls echoing down the walls of the dungeon. 

It took him a second to process what Remus had said. _Boggart_. There was a Boggart in the staffroom. And his worst fear was… 

Of course. _Of course_ Hermione hadn't been throwing herself at Sirius Black! Why, she'd as good as begged him to invite her for Christmas when they spoke at breakfast! Severus leaned back in his chair, shaking his head at his own stupidity. _I must be in love_, he thought with a smile. And he resolved to waste no time but to hurry to the Great Hall and invite Hermione to Christmas the moment he saw her. 

-*~~*~~*-

Severus was in such a hurry to get to dinner that he caught up with Remus, who was on his way back from the staffroom, empty-handed. "I suppose someone else brought it down," he said with a shrug as the two men walked together to the Great Hall. 

Snape shook his head and said with a mysterious gleam in his eye, "And how was the Boggart, Remus?" 

Startled at hearing his given name spoken by his most taciturn colleague, Remus grinned with embarrassment. "Oh fine, really. Of course you know what I'm most afraid of?" Snape nodded. "I hope it didn't give you any trouble, Severus," he said ruefully, "I left the cupboard door open after my last class." Snape said nothing, but looked thoughtfully at the shifting staircases below the balcony they were traversing. 

"Severus?" Remus asked again. "Did you see the Boggart? I can't imagine what form it would take with you, my dear old friend and enemy, I can't think what you would be afraid of!" At that moment, Snape turned and looked at his companion – with an expression of such intensity and raw emotion – passion mingled with pain mingled with triumph – that it was as if a legion of thoughts and feelings had been communicated between them, and Remus's eyes narrowed in thoughtful speculation. 

"Yes, I did. See the Boggart," Snape answered simply. "I saw the Boggart." Snape held the door open and stood back to allow Remus to precede him through to the Dining Hall. 

The Great Hall was set up like a Muggle gambling hall, with round tables seating eight and some kind of games wheel at the front of the room. The cookie jar sat in the place of honour, at the front of the room on the Sorting stool, whose gold silk draping cloth brought out the sparkle of the gold ornaments that adorned the container. _I know why Albus wanted that stupid jar_, Snape thought, _it matches the blue of his eyes. And the gold of his teeth – no, his heart_, he admitted to himself. He looked around furtively as if he'd said the words aloud. 

Remus gestured to a table near the front, where Hermione was sitting – alone – save for Professor Flitwick, seated opposite. When she saw Severus, she smiled a little then looked away, shifting awkwardly in her chair. Snape felt bad for not putting in an appearance at lunch – _Merlin knows what she thinks of me, after the way I behaved today_. Snape nodded as they arrived at the table and seated himself at Hermione's right side. Remus was going to take the seat to her left, but she put her hand down on the chair and smiled at the Werewolf, pointing to the next one over. 

Severus found himself tongue-tied, now that he was actually sitting next to her. He told himself that her awkwardness was just because of his rudeness earlier – that he hadn't been mistaken about her – but it was just so difficult to get the words out. 

"Miss Granger, I was wondering – " Snape said through clenched teeth, his voice quiet and low. 

Unfortunately, Remus had chosen that moment to break the uneasy silence, addressing Hermione with a question of his own. "So, was it you who I should be thanking for relieving me of my Cookie Jar Recon Duty?" Because Hermione was already looking at Remus when he started speaking, and because Severus's words had been muffled by his stiff upper lip, she answered the Werewolf's question while the Potions master's died away. 

"Yes, Sirius and I brought it back with us from the staffroom after lunch," Hermione answered with a smile. 

"Oh, so you did meet him there, then?" Hermione nodded. "Well that's fortunate. Did you – Speak of the devil!" Remus said, as Sirius seated himself between Remus and Hermione. Sirius smiled at Remus, scowled at Snape, and looked tenderly at Hermione as he took her hand. 

"Hello, beautiful woman. I hope you had a chance to think about our – talk – this afternoon," he said softly, with a significant look. 

Hermione smiled at Sirius and looked nervously back to Snape. "You were saying, Severus?" She asked, a mute plea in her eyes. 

"Nothing," he whispered. This time he got up quietly from the table – and pushed the chair carefully in, his face a stony mask. "Good evening," he said to the table before turning and leaving the Hall. 

-*~~*~~*-

Snape barely remembered making his way back to his chambers. As he lit the fire and torches with his wand, he just felt numb, almost beyond conscious thought. He wasn't sure if he was glad or sorry that he hadn't actually said the words – but considering Hermione's awkwardness at his presence, he leaned towards being thankful of sparing her and himself that embarrassment. _She must have just sensed what was going through my mind_, he thought, _and she was trying to warn me – to tell me how things were. So I wouldn't make a fool of myself._

There was a knock at the door. After a few seconds, the doorknob rattled – Severus heard a low voice muttering, and the door flew open. At the entrance to his rooms stood Hermione, looking at him with tears of compassion veiling her eyes. "Severus… Severus, I'm so sorry," she whispered as she stepped into the room. 

"Miss Granger. I don't need your pity. I don't expect your apology, and I don't want your company," Severus said coldly, scowling to try to hide his hurt and disappointment. 

Hermione walked up and sat herself down on the ottoman in front of Severus's chair. "With Remus's help, we figured out what happened," she said as she propped her chin on her folded hands. With a combination of blinking, sniffing, swallowing and various facial contortions, she managed to clear her tears away before they fell, and she sat looking at him with the same warm smile that had melted his heart about 400 times since her return to Hogwarts. 

Severus implored his hard shell to hold, even as his insides warmed under her gaze. "Thank you so much for that report, Miss Granger. It gratifies me no end that you took the time and trouble to come all the way down here to inform me that my most private thoughts and feelings were a topic of conversation at dinner tonight. Give my regards to Black and Lupin." It pleased him somewhat to see her blanch at his harsh words, but he was perplexed to see her smile return after a moment. 

"Well, you're partly right. We did discuss it over dinner, but it wasn't Sirius and Remus. It was Remus and Minerva." Snape shrugged, as if to say 'it's all one to me', and Hermione continued, still smiling. "I wasn't apologising to you to soften the blow… I was apologising to you for the horrible misunderstanding." 

"We have different words for it. Call it a horrible misunderstanding if it makes you feel better. And enjoy your holiday." 

"Thank you – I intend to!" Snape had imbued his parting shot with as much sarcasm and venom as he could muster, but Hermione just smiled wider. 

"Are you going to let me in on the joke?" Hermione raised an eyebrow at his question. "Whatever it is that you find so funny. Or shall I just petrify you and send you back to your chambers through the Floo?" 

At this Hermione laughed outright and said, "Thank you for asking. I was afraid to simply jump in and tell you – I was half thinking you were going to hex me just for coming in." 

Snape made a face, but she ignored it. Looking closely at her colleague, ex-Professor and friend, her smile faded. "Remus explained what happened," she said softly, " – and we figured out that you must have thought you'd seen the Boggart today, in the staffroom." Hermione paused for some acknowledgement. Snape just stared at her, his eyes as dark and cold and lifeless as two coals. Hermione closed her eyes briefly. "And your greatest fear – was seeing me with Sirius." Faced with the inarguable fact, Snape found himself nodding. "And then, when you got to dinner, you realised that Sirius and I had actually been in the staffroom at lunchtime." Hermione looked up at Severus, her face a mask of sadness. Her expression began to awaken the pain in his heart, and he had to look away. 

"Well, I'm not going to try to tell you that Sirius and I weren't in the staffroom, because we were. But not when you came in and saw the Boggart. Because it _was_ a Boggart," Hermione paused as Snape looked back up at her, "Severus – it was _mine_." She smiled and shook her head, letting the words sink in. "I don't know what it looked like to you, Severus – but just between you and me, my worst fear is having Sirius Black groping me and not being able to fight him off." She laughed nervously as Snape stared at her. "That was what I was afraid of, when I was sitting there waiting. Waiting for you, by the way – it was you I really wanted to see!" 

Now the tears spilled from Hermione's eyes, and she was laughing and crying at the same time. Severus looked incredulously at her, shaking his head and blinking as if to clear cobwebs from his eyes and mind. "I'm sorry, Miss Granger – what you're saying – I can't take it in. There has been so much confusion this day, so much – intrigue – I understand what I am hearing, but…" Sitting in his chair with this dear girl in front of him, Snape tried to keep down the hope that was growing in his heart. It was so hard to resist her earnestness and warmth – he could feel the hard shell cracking. 

Hermione shook her head also. "I understand. So let's just forget the whole thing about the Boggart, and Sirius, and the cookie jar – Remus won, by the way." 

"Pardon?" Snape asked. 

"The raffle. Remus won. Guess what the prize was!" Severus just shrugged. "The cookie jar!" Hermione laughed and sighed, then she said, "I made a mistake this morning. I schemed with Minerva to draw you out, using Sirius as a decoy." She wrinkled her nose at Snape's reproving look. "I'm sorry. That'll teach me to take relationship advice from a single woman," she said with a small smile. Snape grunted but remained silent. Hermione continued, her voice hushed, "So, here it is. Professor Snape – Severus, I would really really really like to spend Christmas with you. Wherever you like. I just want to be with you." She shrugged and looked at her hands. "That was what I should have said to you this morning." She rolled her eyes. "That's what I should have told you _last _Christmas!" 

"So it really was just a misunderstanding," Severus said. He held out his hand to her, letting her words wash over him like a warm, sweet-smelling breeze. 'I would really really really like to spend Christmas with you' … 'I just want to be with you' … 'That's what I should have told you _last _Christmas!' 

Hermione put her hand in his and knelt in front of him. "I'm sorry," she whispered. 

"You're forgiven," he replied. 

There was a long, quiet moment where they both just _looked_. 

"So, shall we Apparate to my home tomorrow afternoon? I usually pass the holidays there, it is quite comfortable." 

"Just like that? We're really going?" Hermione said. 

Snape nodded and shrugged noncommittally. "If you wish," he replied. 

Hermione nodded and smiled. "I do wish. I have wished." 

Severus's heart fluttered as he looked at her, gazing up at him with such affection, her hand in his. He wanted to ask her to pinch him, but he was afraid he'd wake up. "But I still don't understand how it happened," he said. "In the staffroom." Hermione sat back on the ottoman and clasped her hands under her chin again. 

"Well – I told everyone at lunch time – everyone except for Remus, whom I didn't see, that I was waiting to see you there. I was afraid that I'd made a terrible mistake with you in the morning and I decided to 'fess up – and say just what I told you now." 

"So, I was waiting for you, and at the same time afraid that Sirius might come. Not because I thought he would hurt me, but just because – well – I just find him overpowering. I think Sirius is a dear, and he's been so good for Harry – but I haven't yet been able yet to get him to understand that a hello hug isn't an invitation to get to know my tonsils…so I usually try to greet him in a public place." Snape grimaced at the image and Hermione laughed. "And, I was afraid you'd gotten the wrong impression in the morning, and I didn't want to make it worse by having him there when you arrived." Snape gave a mock nod of thanks. 

"In that moment, where I was sitting, mulling over the morning, and feeling vulnerable, out came the Boggart! I didn't even see you, Severus. And I didn't even imagine that you might see it too! After a few seconds, I used the counter-curse, then Sirius came, we got the cookie jar and that was that!" 

Snape's lips twisted into a wry smile. "That was that indeed. And meanwhile there I was all day thinking that you were trying to give me a hint. Except for the few minutes when I thought I'd seen a Boggart." Severus's smile faded as he had another thought. "But what about the – conversation you had with Sirius? And why were you saving a seat for him at dinner?" 

"Oh, that. It's just the same thing he says to me every time he sees me – that I'm too good for Hogwarts, and I should quit and marry him and have his children. It's – nothing new." Hermione made a face. "And who says I was saving a seat for Sirius? He nicked it from Minerva – and after you walked out, I made him move." Hermione shrugged and took Severus's hand in both of hers. "So now you know. Everything. And all this honesty has left me drained… so, would you be so kind as to escort me back to my rooms?" 

Severus held out his hand to her and helped her up, and they each made their way safely to their beds and their (very) sweet dreams. 

-*~~*~~*-

_S__ome time later…_

"Severus, you know what would have been funny?" 

"No, frankly, I don't. But I feel certain that you're going to tell me." 

"If the whole thing had been like one of those Muggle movies or TV shows with the trick ending. And the real ending would be when you Apparated me to visit my parents on the cruise ship, or to Voldemort, or to yours and Sirius's love-nest, where the two of you needed someone to wash your socks. Wouldn't that have been funny?" 

"No, Hermione. Truly, it would have been completely horrible. Any one of those selections. Except the last one, perhaps. Do you actually wash socks? Do you think you could ever change your mind about Sirius? How would you feel about living in London part-time? You know, Hogwarts is too good for you. I've always thought so…" 

FIN. 

gnat67@telus.net 

**A/N:** I think I'm being overly-influenced by the Star Trek:TNG marathon I watched recently, and also the 15 hours of Survivor that I watched all at one go (taped by dear Daddy). I thought about Troi, when she lost her ability to sense the feelings of other people, and I thought about how the Survivor crew tricked the Survivors over the 'two tribes living together on one beach' scam. The result was a story where not only do we the readers get only one point of view, and are forced to interpret words and scenarios without any explanation, but we also get to see the anxiety, misinterpretations and misconceptions that germinate in isolation. 

I'm not sure if I meet part of the Challenge criteria – Snape doesn't meet the Boggart, he just thinks he does. And when he thinks he meets the Boggart, he thinks he's alone, but he really isn't. Neh? 

Big fat thanks to Pigwidgeon37, as usual – who generously beta'd this in the midst of Christmas rushiness! Now off to do all my own back-betaing!!! 

4785 

Upload Date: 27/12/02 

**Rules:**

Boggart Challenge  
By Josie421  


  
  


So, dear old Snape encounters a boggart.  
These are the rules for the challenge: 

* Snape may meet the boggart anywhere, but he must be alone  
* Hermione must make an appearance  
* Hermione and Snape must have some sort of relationship other than teacher/student - be it they're working on something together, friends, lovers, married etc  
* Must include a mention of a blue cookie jar with gold ornaments belonging to Dumbledore  
* Must include a mention of Sirius Black 

Have fun! 

Josy 


End file.
